Ramblings . . .

Well-- somehow, I have made it to 20 weeks (20 weeks and 2 days, actually) without documenting almost anything besides a camera phone snapshot of my belly at 15 weeks!!! So, just for my personal memory, I am going to post a few facts about this pregnancy;

So it looks like I haven't even finished posting my birth story. Yikes. I also now have a seven-month-old that pulls herself up to stand. Seriously, I just want to push on the brakes as hard as I can and slow life down!!!

So, before I forget-- This will most likely be the abridged version of the story.
We went to the hospital and I went to triage before being admitted. It didn't take much time at all to be admitted since my water had broken, but from the time I arrived in triage to the time I was placed in my labor and delivery room my cervix had dilated 4 1/2 cm. . . which was pretty major progress in about 30 minutes. Then, a nurse came in and let me know that if I wanted an epidural, I needed to get it quickly because I may pass the point of no return, so, even though I initially thought I wanted to do it au naturel-- I chickened out. And boy, oh boy, was that epidural AMAZING! I could finally relax! It was the first time I felt good in over a week. I kept dilating pretty steadily, until I was 8 1/2 cm. I got stuck. We decided to wait it out a little and a monitor was placed on Hadleigh's head to keep better track of her heart rate.

I was still "stuck" when they decided on giving me pitocin, much to my dismay, but it didn't seem to do the job. The on call doctor was ready to give me a c-section, but luckily he had to do an emergency one so that gave me 45 more minutes to dilate to 10! By the time he came back in to check on me, it was about 10 minutes before my OB was in the hospital to do rounds. He told me I could hang on and wait for him. This was 7am...mind you, on call dr. said he would have already taken me to have a c-section. I was relieved when MY doctor showed up at the door, he is very calm and would never pressure anyone into anything that wasn't absolutely necessary. He said as long as her heart rate wasn't dropping and I wasn't developing a fever, I could keep her in and try to deliver vaginally. FINALLY, at about 10:40am I was ready to push. I pushed a few times, and I refused to take a break even though the nurse kept asking me if I wanted to "sit out a contraction" NO WAY- at that point, I wanted my baby OUT OF ME! At 11:03am my sweet little baby was welcomed into the world.

She looked perfect, but sounded like a goat when she breathed. I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was pretty scary. She ended up being admitted into the NICU for further care. That was hard, I don't think I was emotionally prepared for that. She didn't get a chance to breastfeed until she was almost 2 days old and she never got to stay in the room with me. Her breathing problem cleared up on its own and she had the "all clear" on Wednesday around noon, we were discharged together around 6pm. Talk about scary, but that is another post entirely.

Well, I haven't posted in a very long time YET again...I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but here I am again. Once again I am going to post a brief recap of what has been going on since my last post.

1. I am huge. No two ways about it, everybody says I look like I am "going to pop" even though I keep assuring them I have about 7 1/2 weeks left.

2. I left my job at a year round school to pursue a career in half-day head start. I am very much looking forward to this job, but I don't get students until September 1.

3. I am taking a huuuuuuuge pay cut to be able to stay at home with Haddie for half the day, something that I think is totally worth it, even if I did shed more than 5,287,362 tears over it.

4. My sister is going back to work tomorrow (2 days a week) for the first time since her oldest was born and I am pretty sure my mom and I may feel almost as nervous as her.

5. I will be keeping one of my nephews in the afternoons while my sister is at said job, even though I will be 7-8-9 months pregnant and then on maternity leave, I would have it no other way. I would keep him (and the older one too!) all day every day if it meant somebody they knew would be with them, but things don't work out that way so 1/2 day will be good enough until the little one gets potty-trained!

6. I am slowly beginning to realize I am terrified about giving birth so I have been avoiding the topic at all costs.

7. I am hoping *at all costs* that I will go full term with this baby. I keep reminding her that 37 weeks is ok with me, but I really don't want her to come out before that unless she ABSOLUTELY has to. My oldest nephew was 7 weeks early and luckily he was healthy as a horse, but still had to stay in the NICU for a week...I really don't want to have to go through that.

8. I just want a healthy baby. Whenever she gets here, however she gets here, as long as she is safe and happy!

9. I am beginning to feel "first-trimester sleepy" again so goodnight all.

ps- I will try to post a "belly pic" soon so you can see just how huge I am getting!!!

Um. I can't stop thinking about what is growing in my belly.

Actually, I am currently obsessed with finding out what is inside.

Thing is, I won't have another ultrasound (the BIG ultrasound) until I am 20 weeks pregnant. That is exactly six weeks away. Now, I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but I am dying inside knowing that this munchkin's little genitalia is fully formed and I don't know what it is. My fire was only fueled by the fact that Blair posted this gem today...

So, in true "copy cat" form, I decided to try the methods listed on her blog...

Labor of Love: Girl

Just Mommies: Girl

Bump.com: Girl

Babyman: Girl

Sexratio: 55% Boy, 45% Girl

Tvoy Baby: Girl

And of course there are innumerable old wives tales that I could look at to determine, but I'm not really far enough into this to decide if I am carrying low or high and I am craving everything; sweets, sours, meats, cheeses, blah blah blah...so I can't find a pattern there either. Maybe I will try the wedding ring test sometime...

The thing is, I could technically find out the baby's sex tomorrow. There is this place in town that specializes in determining the sex of your baby. You lay back in a lazy boy and the ultrasound tech goes to town finding the goods. It is only open on Fridays and you have to call and schedule an appointment through the lady's cell phone. She is an ultrasound tech that has Fridays off so she bought an ultrasound machine and determines the sex for $50, a fair trade in my opinion.

The only thing stopping me; well, the only two things stopping me are the fact that I know and really like the ultrasound tech @ my obgyn's office. She is a family friend and I pictured her telling me what my baby would be. Secondly, even though I am pretty sure this wouldn't happen, I am nervous that they may tell me the wrong thing. What if they tell me girl and I invest in tons money in girly things, and then find out from my ultrasound with my obgyn that it is a boy!?!?! Or vice-versa!?!? My sister's sister-in-law reeeeeeally wants me to go find out, and I kinda want to too...oooooh, decisions, decisions!!!

My gut tells me that it's a girl, I have had girl dreams and as you can see, most of the tests online point to "girl"...which reeeeeally leads me to believe it is a boy because I am thinking I am just getting my hopes up for a girl and should be more realistic when I see that penis on the screen!!!

Don't get me wrong, we would love a boy oh so much; I love my nephews and I even like our boy name more than any girl name we have ever come up with. But a girl would be so much fun, unless she turns out like me in middle school, then, not so much-- but that is a different post entirely!

Ok, I am off to go home and get some rest before a date with hubs! I promise I'll post a belly pic later tonight...maybe after my belly is full of dinner and sticking out extra far!!!

Well, I still don't really know where I am in this whole pregnancy game, but I am thinking that I'm in the second trimester now...I am 13 weeks and 5 days (tomorrow) pregnant and I believe that means I am technically in the second tri, but who knows. . .

I am still loving being pregnant, even though I KNOW I am gaining weight too quickly, but I am really beginning to enjoy being pregnant. I spent so much time in the beginning worrying about what could possibly go wrong and now I think I am finally getting comfortable with the idea that I am only in control of what I can control; what I eat, if I exercise, etc...

My mom got me a couple pacifiers, some undershirts, and a bib for the baby for Easter but I just bought the first couple things for our baby yesterday...A few weeks back Hubs bought our stroller and car seat when he was out of town because we didn't have it in our town, but I hadn't bought anything for the munchkin...Well, yesterday I bought two pajama/lounge wear type outfits. They both have birds on them and very cute little hats. One is very definitely "girl" and the other one could be for a boy or a girl. I understand if we have a boy he will not be able to wear the pink one, but it was very inexpensive and I will find somebody to use it if I am not having a girl...but I still have a slight "gut" feeling that it may just be a girl, but who knows...I'd be totally psyched either way!!

And on the belly front, it definitely is getting bigger by the day and I can no longer "suck in" my belly anymore and my tummy is getting harder, it's strange, but I am loving it!!! And I promise, later this week I will post a belly pic, even though it's not so pretty in pictures!!!

Here I sit, 12 weeks and 6 days pregnant, watching my students watch a movie for indoor recess. Something happened this morning, something I couldn't really believe until one of my students pointed it out to me.

See, I teach an all girls class in an inner-city area...so they are pretty wise to the ways of the pregnant woman. When I finally "announced" my pregnancy to them, I got some mixed reviews;
"I thought you just gettin pudgy..."
"I can't believe you did what it takes to get pregnant"
"you could have just rolled over in the bed and said not tonight"
But all of them were very happy. I actually have some students who have relatives that I will share due dates with...I have, however, not become exempt from their pregnancy stories, scrutiny, and "what if" scenarios.

Today, when I was teaching a lesson on the interactive whiteboard (computer plugged into a digital projector) one of my girls raised her hand, I thought to answer a question, and when I called on her, she said, "You know what? Your belly is sticking out further than your boobs!" I pretended to cry and they pretended to console me, but it was a funny observation. Ever since I have had boobs, my belly has been much flatter than my boobies, so this is a welcome little change...remind me in 5 months about the day I enjoyed getting a baby bump, because I am sure it is going to be out of control one day soon!!!

No news from the appt. yet, but I did get to hear the baby's heartbeat with the Doppler again...


179 beats per minute....that little whooshing is seriously my new favorite sound. . .

I thought I would feel miraculously better once I hit the 12 week marker, but to tell you the truth, I can't really tell a difference. I still don't "feel" pregnant, except for the excessive hunger and sleepiness and now the protruding gut I am sporting...but other than that, it has been such "smooth sailing" I have no idea what to expect next.
Going to the Ob today for my 12 week check up, but I think its just a pap for cultures and stuff so I won't be able to see the baby...other than that, I can't wait for the weekend!!!

Well, I don't reeeeeally know how it happened, but I checked my other blog (just something where I write to the future little munchkin) and I realized that I am out of the 200's....then, I opened my google reader and realized that Danse shared the same revelation today! I have officially 199 days left to go in a full term pregnancy! We have the same due date.. weird right? I read her before I was even pregnant...hmmm...cosmic? I think so.

Anyway, I have recently decided that I just have to "let go". Actually, at the urging from some of the women in my Bible study, "let go and let God". It hasn't been easy, but I am trying and doing better. I used to worry about every strange feeling or any terrible thing I heard that could happen to our baby, but I am learning to let go. I am realizing that there really is nothing I can control any more. As long as I keep my end of the deal, eating right, sleeping, exercising, etc...it is totally out of my hands what happens to this sweet little baby. I am just trying my hardest to do everything "right" and we will just see what happens in October. . .

How do pregnant people contribute to the workforce?? I was FINE yesterday, but today, I can't think straight and aaaaaaaall I am thinking about is taking a nap. It wouldn't be so bad for me if I didn't have to tutor after school...I could *normally* be out of here by 2:50 and on my way to dreamland, but since I tutor I don't leave school until about 4:45...

So far I love being pregnant and I have not been sick at all, but this lack of energy thing is wearing me out! I hope everybody is right about that whole "more energy in the second trimester" thing because I will fall asleep in the middle of class if I have to continue like this! I have NO idea how my sister did it with an eight-month-old in tow...hats off to you!

And on another note, I have recently become obsessed with breastfeeding. I certainly hope everything goes to plan because I can't wait til October to cradle that little baby while nursing...*heavenly*

I have decided to do a sort of "random" post about 13 confessions that have been on my mind in the past week....here it goes;

1. I haven't gone a day in the past four weeks without a nap: I have always loved my sleep, but this is a whole new level. I have no clue how I am going to go back into the work-world without my daily 1:00 nap time.

2. I had my first pregnancy melt-down last night: Hubs called me "stupid" for giving the dog my jelly-covered crusts (he thought it was the whole sandwich that he just made for me...) so I got off the couch, punched him, and then went into the kitchen where I put my hands on the sink and cried like a baby. He felt so terrible, he just kept saying he was sorry-- then he rubbed my feet and back...pretty sweet deal since I was the one that punched him.

3. I have been wearing maternity pants for the past 3 weeks: Yes, it's true. Getting pregnant when you just so happen to be at your heaviest and your regular pants are already too tight is not necessarily advisable. However, I have some adorable maternity pants that you would never know were maternity pants unless you pulled up my shirt and looked at my belly. BTW- if you pull up my shirt and look at my belly I will probably kick you in the crotch and or throat punch you.

4. I have gained weight in the first trimester: All this bull about not gaining weight in the first tri...yeah, I suppose in an ideal world. I quit drinking all my diet mt. dews and water just doesn't fill that void. I have been drinking juice which packs all kinds of calories and non-caffeinated sodas that are also chocked full of calories. Not to mention the very cold things that quench my real thirst, like chocolate milkshakes...yuuuum. I think I have spent a whole 2 years of pseudo-watching what I eat so I just threw caution to the wind and ate whatever I wanted...I have to get back into a better routine now that I am going back to work. ALSO-- (not that I am complaining ooooooone bit--) I have never had a day of morning sickness or throughout the day sickness. Not one episode of vomiting so that means I have kept e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. down that I have eaten...and don't get me started on the constipation...it looks like I am just trying to rationalize the fact that I have gained 1.6lbs...I'll stop now.

5. I don't want to go back to work: I don't need to explain that...I reeeeeeally don't want to go back to work.

6. If we could live on one income, I wouldn't go back to work: Another fact. I have always worked...even when I was in high school, cheering 3 nights a week during basketball season and dancing the other 4 days a week...I always had a job. If we could live comfortable on hub's salary, and he was into it too, I wouldn't go back to work. I would spend my days playing with my nephews and taking naps...awwww, that would be the life.

7. I haven't taken a bath in 6 weeks: Somewhere along the pregnancy line I read/heard that it was unsafe to take baths...well, the steaming hot baths that leave your legs red and almost welted like I love. So, I switched exclusively to showers...can somebody let me know if this is a real or rumor type thing? Something about elevating the baby's body temp? Anybody have thoughts on that??? My mom always took baths when she was pregnant, so what's up??

8. I haven't cleaned my house in probably 10 weeks: It would be cool if I could blame that on pregnancy, but it's just the fact that I don't really enjoy cleaning. Never have. Hopefully this whole "nesting" thing will kick in somewhere down the line and I will like it...until then, I'm lucky hubs knows how to clean.

9. I have cooked about 3 dinners in the past 6 weeks: The thought of preparing food makes me nauseous. And, for some reason, my fridge stinks but I am the only person that can smell it. Hubs and his sister have cleaned my kitchen, thrown out anything that can smell in my fridge, but I still smell it. Also, we have some leftover green salsa in our fridge and the thought of that and or sour cream makes me gag-- which is odd since we ate chicken quesadillas about 4 times last month and none of those things bothered me before...I haven't been able to eat Mexican since I found out I was pregnant...

10. I have made my bank account go up in the past 6 weeks: Since I have been soooooo sleepy, hubs and I haven't been going out after our day at work. We would normally go to wal-mart, or sam's club...or shopping someplace else and I would drop $20/$30 a day...it doesn't seem like much, but it adds up. The other day I checked my balance and I was like HOLY CRAP...not like we have millions by ANY MEANS...but I was surprised at how much my little trips add up to!

11. I have been lifting my nephews even though they are above the "safe" limit of 15-20 lbs: I just can't help it. My sister and my mom tell me not to (because the nurse told me it wasn't safe...) but when it is raining and you know your poor, sweet, almost three-year-old nephew hates the rain, how can I make him walk in it? Or when your sweet baby nephew toddles over to you and raises his arms in the air for you to pick him up...how can you deny that??? But I have been trying to be more careful.

12. I a terrified something is going to go wrong with this pregnancy: I have absolutely z-e-r-o reason to think something is going to go wrong, but I a terrified that something will. Every blog I read,k book I pick up, sad story I hear, I am terrified that is going to happen to me. I know I basically have no control over what is going to happen but it is sometimes mind-numbing how scared I get. When I went to the ob for my first ultrasound I was almost SHOCKED when the tech said, there's your baby, here's the heartbeat because I had just read about a blighted ovum and was certain that is what was going to happen to me...I am trying to know that God is in control and that I should just enjoy where I am...but it is very hard not to be scared.

13. I have turned into a sympathy crier: I have always had a tender heart. I mean, something bad happens to someone I know, I break down and cry...but lately, it's like perfect strangers will start crying about something I have no clue about and I cry with them. I know it is partially the hormones, but part of me is just a crier. I can't help it. I joined a new ladies Bible study at church and cried my first night in there...sheesh, sweet first impression Ames...

Well, now you know some of my dirty little secrets...now, I think I need a milkshake!!!