M is for Massage
3:34 PM Posted In Alphabet Blog , relaxation Edit This 3 Comments »
Um. Massage. Oh, how I love thee.
Unfortunately, I did not have a fabulous experience two nights ago.
I had a massage Monday night, my first professional one in at least a year and it was less than stellar to say the least. I have decided to outline the high and low points of this massage;
word to ya mother;
1. it was relaxing
2. it was quiet
3. it was dark
4. I could sum up numbers 1-3 by saying the atmosphere was perfect, but I am trying to give him a little more help than he deserved.
5. It was warm, nice and cozy while it was about 17 degrees outside
bites a big one;
1. he spoke very softly, I could barely hear him talk
2. the music was too loud. I mean, it may be relaxing to lay in a rain forest while fairies dance around playing the pan flute, but not when they are playing the pan flute and ungodly decibels.
3. he gave me for-ev-er to get undressed. as he could probably see, I was only wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, I already took off my jacket, scarf, and mittens...I was left alone long enough to take off a lace-up wedding gown with a full corset, garter belt, and thigh-highs. . .
4. when I asked him what he would prefer I do with my hair he said he would like me to put it up...he asked if I had a hair thing, I told him I did, he left for another 5 minutes so I could put my hair in a ponytail.
5. he rubbed me with the intensity of an 82-year-old lady, and not a strong 82-year-old lady; the frail kind.
6. he only rubbed my legs to about 5 inches above my knees
7. he tickled my feet when he rubbed them. and not in a good way.
I guess it wasn't all that bad, I had a gift certificate I won from a Working Women's Wednesday so I didn't pay much for the massage and it was relaxing, for the most part. I would have expected it if I went to a student, not a massage therapist at a pretty upscale salon in my town.
But I have ridiculously high standards due to my previous massage therapist that righted all the wrongs in my world when I saw him. He worked out every single knot, kink, any little thing, he fixed. And, he didn't tickle my feet when he did my reflexology. But he has moved onto bigger and better things and no longer massages, even though now, after a craptastic massage, all I can think about is how good I felt when he worked on my back. Ugh. Maybe I can get him to come out of 'retirement'?
On my way out, Mr. Craptastic informed me of all the knots that I had in my body. I wanted to ask him why he didn't get them out, but instead I just simply said, "uh huh". He then wondered why I had so many knots, I let him know that I am a teacher that only teaches girls between the ages of 10-12. He thought that could be the source of stress on my body...ya think?!?!
After paying and begrudgingly giving him a nice tip he asked if I wanted to go ahead and schedule my next massage...
"no thanksyou suck, I'll just call when I'm ready..."
Unfortunately, I did not have a fabulous experience two nights ago.
I had a massage Monday night, my first professional one in at least a year and it was less than stellar to say the least. I have decided to outline the high and low points of this massage;
word to ya mother;
1. it was relaxing
2. it was quiet
3. it was dark
4. I could sum up numbers 1-3 by saying the atmosphere was perfect, but I am trying to give him a little more help than he deserved.
5. It was warm, nice and cozy while it was about 17 degrees outside
bites a big one;
1. he spoke very softly, I could barely hear him talk
2. the music was too loud. I mean, it may be relaxing to lay in a rain forest while fairies dance around playing the pan flute, but not when they are playing the pan flute and ungodly decibels.
3. he gave me for-ev-er to get undressed. as he could probably see, I was only wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, I already took off my jacket, scarf, and mittens...I was left alone long enough to take off a lace-up wedding gown with a full corset, garter belt, and thigh-highs. . .
4. when I asked him what he would prefer I do with my hair he said he would like me to put it up...he asked if I had a hair thing, I told him I did, he left for another 5 minutes so I could put my hair in a ponytail.
5. he rubbed me with the intensity of an 82-year-old lady, and not a strong 82-year-old lady; the frail kind.
6. he only rubbed my legs to about 5 inches above my knees
7. he tickled my feet when he rubbed them. and not in a good way.
I guess it wasn't all that bad, I had a gift certificate I won from a Working Women's Wednesday so I didn't pay much for the massage and it was relaxing, for the most part. I would have expected it if I went to a student, not a massage therapist at a pretty upscale salon in my town.
But I have ridiculously high standards due to my previous massage therapist that righted all the wrongs in my world when I saw him. He worked out every single knot, kink, any little thing, he fixed. And, he didn't tickle my feet when he did my reflexology. But he has moved onto bigger and better things and no longer massages, even though now, after a craptastic massage, all I can think about is how good I felt when he worked on my back. Ugh. Maybe I can get him to come out of 'retirement'?
On my way out, Mr. Craptastic informed me of all the knots that I had in my body. I wanted to ask him why he didn't get them out, but instead I just simply said, "uh huh". He then wondered why I had so many knots, I let him know that I am a teacher that only teaches girls between the ages of 10-12. He thought that could be the source of stress on my body...ya think?!?!
After paying and begrudgingly giving him a nice tip he asked if I wanted to go ahead and schedule my next massage...
"no thanks
3 comments:
Aw, that's a bummer. I love a good massage, but a bad one can be terrible. I've been wanting one for months but haven't wanted to fork over the $!
Great. I have a gift certificate for there too. Do they have a different person to chose from?
MA- Yeah, you would probably rather go to a woman anyway, there are two-or three- women that work there.
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